The Game

I entered into education with a desire to help every child succeed and learn. I entered into the classroom with a desire to make education meaningful, exciting, empowering. I wanted to inspire children to pursue knowledge and use it to change their lives and the lives of those around them. I wanted to see the most discouraged learners light up as they discovered the world around them.

I entered into the classroom almost 8 months ago. Where did all my dreams go? Maybe I was too idealistic. Maybe I could've done a better job holding firm to my hopes. I found myself this past week sitting in a 2 hour meeting after school ended. We discussed our test scores as the Los Angeles region of our organization. Numbers were projected. Strategies were discussed. My school's status will depend on 5 students. If they succeed we will be safe. Otherwise, we will be blacklisted and have one year to get our act together or our funding will be pulled. 5 students.

So what's the strategy? Focus on those 5 students. Make sure they do well because all bets are on them. I understand the strategy. The pressure bleeds through so many levels and so many people. The risk is high. If we don't pull those 5 kids through, our school may be in jeopardy. That's the education of 151 other students. But I look back at the students at the bottom. What about them? No, it is not good strategy to focus on them because we will need to put in 3 times the work for their scores to help us. But what will happen next year and the year after that? Will they keep falling further and further behind? When will it be strategy to make the last the first? How do I hold on to my integrity in midst of the pressure? Why are our systems so corrupt that numbers need to be manipulated, people deceived, dreams pushed aside in order to stay in the game?

If I choose not to play, will I be out?