My Grandpa

When I was little, my grandpa always favored the boys. They would carry on his last name, he said. And that was very important to him. I always made a big deal out of this. I chose to let it bother me. He also never liked that I wanted to be a teacher. Teachers don't make money, he told me.

My grandpa, in his old age, is losing his memory. He often doesn't know where he is, forgets who different family members are, and asks all questions multiple times, forgetting the answer each time. When my grandma is out of his sight, he is really worried that he left her somewhere.

We went back to his house this weekend after dinner and the same questioning process ensued. "Where am I?" "You're at home, Grandpa." "I live here?" "Yup." "I didn't know that. How long have I been living here?" "14 years." "Oh, I didn't know..."

We walked him up the driveway and he sat down on a chair in the back patio. His children stood a distance away from him, talking about a car they wanted to buy. I think it's too difficult for them to interact with their dad sometimes. When this first began, it was painful for me to watch too. But, maybe because I was never too close to him and don't have to interact with his memory loss on a day-to-day basis, it has been easier for me to adjust to it.

I went and sat down next to him, uncertain of what to say. Even when he had his memory, we never talked much. I broke the silence with an inconsequential question...

"Do you go on walks every day, Grandpa?" "No, I don't think so. I don't remember." "What do you do every day?" "I don't remember." "Do you still like to read the newspaper?" "There are no newspapers around here." The truth is, my dad brought him newspapers all the time.

I realized the questions were useless. He couldn't remember anything he did. When he tried to recall anything, he often drew a blank. So, I told him memories I had of him. "Grandpa, I used to live in this house with you, do you remember that?" "No." "Grandpa, you used to work in an herbal store and you were in commercials. My cousins and I watched for you on TV every day and were so happy when we saw you on." He looked at me with a smile. "Really? I don't remember that." "Grandpa, did you know you have a great grandchild now? It's a boy!" He looked at me with another smile. "It doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl, Stephanie. I love you guys all the same."

I looked at him in complete surprise. Did my grandpa really just say that? It was hard to believe but his face was so genuine. I let his words sink in. It was now my turn to smile.

"Stephanie, what are you doing now?" "I teach, Grandpa." "Oh. At a public school or a private school?" "At a public school." "That's good."