Humbled yet Amazed

We had a coffee date after a year of doing a bad job keeping in touch. She told me she has changed a lot this year. She had experienced God in new and amazing ways. She's not bitter with God anymore. She ENJOYs having relationship with Him.

I remember questioning my role as a Bible study leader many nights during my senior year of college. I was always grabbing for the right words, searching for the right scriptures, trying to create the right experiences so that my Bible study could experience and know God's love for them. My attempts were often futile and never had long-lasting effects. I didn't understand it then, but I do now. God needed to be the one to work. The experiences had to come from Him - I couldn't create it.

I see a similar pattern as I run my classroom. I'm frantic. I frantically search for the right activities, the right stories, the right life-impacting lessons. In and of itself, these things are good things. They're my responsibilities and what I chose into doing. But I realize the need to slow down. To pray more. To depend on God more. Because, in the end, it's not about me. Losing that control is scary, but I never had that control. I only let myself believe that I did.

But there is also something very freeing about this truth. I want to slow down this year. I want to trust God more and allow myself to depend on Him. God is the one who moves and transforms. There's not too much I can do to speed the process up. I can only be a part of that process with God and with those He has placed in my life and trust that He will work.

And I was reminded today that He does.