Changed

I remember the first time I left them with a sub. I had to go to a two-day conference...at Disneyland (it really was a conference)... and I came home to disaster. The kids created chaos up and down the halls, they tried to break into my M&M machine, and the principal had to sit them all down for a chat.

That weekend, I considered many different lessons about the purpose of school. To me, their unacceptable behavior when I wasn't in the classroom reflected their attitude about school - they were here for their parents and their goal was to not get in trouble with the teacher. They didn't care whether or not learning would take place that day.

Maybe that was why it was so hard for me to take a day off even though family and friends expressed their concerns about my being sick for 3 weeks. It was hard to leave thinking about the wasted instructional time and the "clean-up" that would need to take place when I got back.

However, after coughing fits and much coaxing from friends and school staff, I took a half day off this past Thursday. I was worried but finally made it out the door an hour after the sub had arrived. Driving home on a clear freeway felt weird and so did being away from the kids during school hours. I was so afraid of being disappointed by them.

I returned to school on Friday to find the following note on my desk:

Ms. Wong, What a wonderful class! I really enjoyed them. The first thing I said to them after lunch was how impressed I was that they were completely quiet walking back to class with me and how that reflects their respect for their school.

I should expect more from my kids. They have matured to be amazing students and people who care about their futures and about each other. They still make bad choices and I'm sure they would still choose playstation over a writing notebook for a Christmas present, but they're different people than when I first met them. Occasionally in middle of lesson planning, I'll look through my files of pictures and walk through memory lane as I browse the "fourth grade" folder. I am amazed by how small they were then. Then I remembered the issues we had. The struggles. And the laughs too. They've grown up so much.